Saturday, February 14, 2009

A little Valentine tomfoolery...

The ox 'Heart', having a heart-shaped marking on his forehead, relaxes at Yamakun Farm on February 12, 2009 in Yokohama, Japan. Born in the year of the ox and ahead of Valentine's Day, the ox has drawn attention from around the country.

Here's some advice for you farmer boys out there on how to woo your filly on Valentines day, or as may-be the case, how to keep your filly happy.

1 Taking your lovely lady out to the canola paddock, then proclaiming "Look sweetheart, I drilled you an entire paddock of flowers," wears a bit thin after a few years.

2 Suggesting you have a slap-up romantic meal at home is all very fine, until you come in from the farm and sit at the table waiting for the above-mentioned meal...knife and fork in hand.

3 The cardinal rule for gift buying is to buy only one of three things for your lady, jewellery, perfume or not stray from this course...lingerie with more holes than cloth that is three sizes too small is not a gift for her.

4 If you are going to make the great romantic gesture I suggest a picnic in a paddock, McLeod's Daughters style but remember, attention to food is all important. A bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and a beer is not really romantic fare. Go for your back pocket, drag out the dusty notes and buy a quality bottle of bubbles, soft cheese (cheese slices are not acceptable), antipasto and if you're lost by this stage, ask your mother for some help. Also, remember to move any obstructions prior to entering the paddock - a bull may impede your progress somewhat.

5 And lastly, be sure to compliment her during the day, repetitively, but check what you say within yourself first. "You look like you've lost weight," suggests that she was fatter at some stage, or "If you were a ewe you'd have all the rams chasing you," might very well be true but not entirely appropriate. Try to channel the Mark Darcy in you - in other words, don't say too much, but make sure what you do say is well thought out.

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